Why is it always like this..?

Actually, i don't really get what's wrong with me nowadays...
I have no reason to be sad (probably except failing calculus) and yet, i feel really really tired...
Not like my usual mentally, emotionally and physically tired state...
More of... tired of living...
I know it sounds really ungrateful, emo, gay and stupid... and i actually don't like myself thinking this way... (that's why i don't get it lol)

so.... i try to cheer myself up... and i'm really grateful that there are people who actually do that...
my blockmates, teammates and other friends... haha...
sometimes, i really do want to skin most of them alive... but then, life would be really boring... haha...

currently, my mind is set on the arnis nationals... i hope that i'll get over this bout of weakness and weirdness by competition time... i really want to give my best... since i won't be showing up as much at training this semester...

sigh... haha... fun sembreak... fun death... haha... i dunno what to say...but i think i'll stay alive for a long time more... ^^