Baguio and Dagupan...

This week was both heaven and hell... haha... i can't believe that travelling was this much fun...

Baguio: shit... the flower festival was so cool... what's more cool is that we got to abuse our connections and got top seat views of the Panagbenga and got to interview the founder of the flower festival... great, huh..? Another great thing is that i got to spend a lot of time with my friends Rules, Jic, Keila and Clara... we're never gonna forget this weekend... we even played Forbidden Questions... haha... that really spiced everything up... We all now have trash to talk about... i really apologize to the super innocent people whose minds were violated during this episode... nyahahaha....

Dagupan: one of the coolest things to ever happen to me... we left rules in baguio; it was really a pain to leave him there... while the road travel was soo annoyingly long, the dinner and the time spent at jic-san's house was real worth it... we played cards, chatted and everything... so cool... and after the girls left, we had some fun... tonikaku... everything just went well... we left dagupan at three am... i wish i had more trips like this... cool cool cool...

on other things: Nikko-san... you know it... nyahahah...

and so it seems...

i hate this world... why is it that no matter how many good things i do, no matter how much i try to set things right, it never works out... all this world ever does is to get my hopes up only to sent them crashing down later...

i just wish it would end... i'm tired... it's just too much...

quoting my drunk self:

"you say I'm your friend... but if you can't accept me wholly as I am, then I'd rather be nothing to you... Friendship doesn't work with halves..."

kuso... i don't know who to hate more: myself, my so-caled friends, or the world... there's only so much a person can take... it was way better when I wasn't showing my happy face to the world... so, upon the world's request (courtesy of so-called friends), I'll go back to the normal me... it'll be better I tell you... no more plastic faces and what not... no more dealing with insensitive people... haha... good luck everyone...

THE sheep of THE Ateneo...

Today was a very weird day... I dunno why... Probably because I was wearing a full-body sheep costume... hehe... alright... I know it's stupid and outrageous, but the hell, the fun and experience was worth it... It's not everyday that I get to do such senseless and fun things... haha...

I should really thank (kuya) Danvic for letting me borrow the costume... haha... i know it was a devil's pact promising not to call him kuya anymore, but i don;t think I can keep the promise though... After all, I'm very impulsive and weird...

Haha... oh well, it's been a fun week... Arnis sparring is gonna start soon... The strike and block practices are fun (for me, at least) and are pretty much mindless and effortless whacking for me... haha... shame that the english 12 paper's gonna ruin next week when all the good parts come...

haha... everything that's been hapening this week has been very nice, specially love life-wise... haha... i hope these good times will last a bit longer... i rarely get a break... oh well, oyasumi...

Two hearts down... One more lonely person in the world...

When I was a child, I used to think that loneliness would be a feeling alien to me when i grew up... I guess I was wrong...

I guess I'm really a big disappointment... I know I've been doing a lot of great stuff for other people and everything, but how come it is that person I love the most, taisetsuna tomodachi, that finally broke this wall of a heart..?

My first and only real kiss... I can still remember it, and it makes me even sadder... I really expected that person to appreciate me and accept me as who I am... I know he does, but it's cruel that i can no longer feel the love and warmth of acceptance... Something's missing and if i don't find out what it is, I'm gonna break soon... boku no kokoro itai...

They say that at times like this, you have your friends to help you... It's kind of weird to think that the help and understanding came not from my "friends" but from people i didn't expect it from... There's my english block barkada, my blockies and other friends... Most of them are real understanding, but there are few who I can talk to about my feelings... One of them probably would try to listen, but I know he feels uncomfortable with it... it's hard, but finding someone who cares is sometimes the only way you'd feel nice again...

I don't know what to do... I just want to go back to those times where there was nothign wrong with me... when i had no reason to be insecure, and to be disliked by other people... I just can't think of a reason why such things are happening to me...

right now, i'm not lonely but angry... for my so called "friends", i'm going to wait for your honest reply... namaiki na kimi no sunao ni henji... not one of words but of thought... i just want to get out of this pathetic state I'm in and I need your help...