been lost in time for a long time..?

it's been quite a while since i've visited this blog... i've been a little busy lately and was overwhelmed with both school and personal stuff... well, no use talking about that now...

for those who care, this are the things that i've been up to recently:

1. badminton training is really taking up most of my weekends now... i'm training under this guy who's really good... i think he helped coach AdMU and NU teams last summer and i'm glad that i'm learning a lot... well, i'm having fun so the effort is worth it... i hope to get into a tournament soon...

2. i'm gonna start violin lessons soon... i know i some people think it's gay, but i like the idea... i know i'm kind of too old to start studying but i hope my piano background will help me here... wish me luck guys...

3. arnis is fun too... while other people complain a lot about arm, wrist and palm pains, i really don't mind... the badminton training is paying of here too... hehehe... I have yet to master the wrist movements and techniques which i think is gonna take some time... i'm really having a hard time doing measured and focused things with my left arm... oh well...

4. btw, i have this friend who keeps on saying that i'm way hostile... although i'm telling him that it's kind of pissing me off, i really find it funny... you know why..? it's because i can't think of a single reason to be mad or hostile towards him... dunno... i'll let this "situation" play out...

well, i suppose that's it... hehehe... i'll be posting song reviews just like I promised... soon...

Never be the Same Again...

Okay... I first heard this song during the Rev-Up Metrocon...
It's really nice; it probably fits into the pop-rock genre...
I like it because it's kind of mellow but it's the kind of
worship song that's part of the build up leading to the
climax... It's really good... People kept on singing this
until dawn...

I really don't know how to make good reviews yet so please
bear with me... Hehehehe... I'll get better soon... ^^_
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NEVER BE THE SAME

By: Renee Geronimo & Butch Baria

Now I wake, now I see

Lord your time is now

I can’t ignore, the way you speak

The calling’s clear and loud

Make my life mean something

Something worth remembering

Something worth living and dying for

Chorus:

I fight for your life, I long for your peace

In a world so silent my praise to you will never cease

I raise my hand and stake this claim

That this world will know your name

And life, will never be the same

From sea to sea, from dawn to dusk

The battle rages on

With every step, and every move

We’re crying kingdom come

You are all I want now

More than I ever have before

You are worth living and dying for

Bridge:

Lord I am afraid

Of the choices I have to make

But when I look into your eyes

I am reminded why

YFC Chronicles I: The 5th Metrocon- Rev Up..!

Rev Up!: The 5th Youth For Christ Metrocon was so cool!!! I'm not exaggerating if I say that it beats the Subic International Leaders Conference last year..! The competitions, the talks and the unending worship gave me a piece of heaven here on earth..! It's been so long since I've last felt the high of worship...

I know I've been on running on a dark road recently... but during the conference He just spoke to me... too clearly for me to ignore...

During the conference I asked Him to turn me back to who I was before... You know what he said..? NO... He said no, I can't turn you into who you were before, but I can help make a new you...

I was already on the verge of tears during the second talk... so when I heard that very phrase during the Praisefest, I just started crying on the spot... I know it sounds gay to some but still, I'd rather be called gay than keep my feelings from God...

basta... I feel so happy, so good, so empowered... that's the high that possessed me during the past years... something that I lost when I kept on trying to sever my connection with Him recently... well, what's done is done, and what matters now is what I do...

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I have an idea... Every week I'm gonna post a review of one worship song we use in YFC... just for fun... plus, it might inspire someone... ^^_

well, God Bless guys..!

Lebensunwertes Leben...

That's exactly how i feel right now... Life unworthy of life... I'm such an idiot... Why am I like this..? I don't get it... I wanna live another life... I wish that I'm not who I am now... You know why...? It's because I'm such a pathetic person, friend and human being... (yes, being a person and a human being are two different things...)

Yeah, yeah, yeah... People I know would say that I'm so emo... You don't even get what I'm feeling, it's not funny anymore... Fine, call it whatever you want... It's not as if I even care anymore... You guys are lucky... You get most of the good things that really matter...

It really pains me that I am be this stupid... The first semester of my college life just ended... Instead of happy goodbyes and hopes for a good next sem, I get to freaking insult my friend and everything ends with a sad parting... See that..? If i could have just shut up everything would've been okay... I know what to call it... One big fucking screw up...

It really, really sucks... I care for my friends a lot... They're very important to me... But then why do I keep on hurting and annoying them..?

I dunno why I even have friends... You know what..? A useless, freaky and ugly faggot like me doesn't deserve anything... Do me some good and don't be nice 'cause I'll just ruin your life... Got that..?

Of hell week and stereotyping...

I might get upset over the most trivial things but one thing that really gets me mad is a person who imposes his stereotypes on other people... I know that everyone is guilty of having stereotypes; I also have my own... But i really really hate it when someone imposes theirs on you... It doesn't matter if it's good or bad/ popular or not... It's because i feel smothered...

People who impose stereotypes usually haven't felt what it feels like to be labeled or "classified"... It's usually because they go with the popular culture of the day... It's not a nice feeling... It destroys your sense of freedom and self-expression... While it doesn't sound that bad, let me tell you, IT IS... I dunno, but of all things, this really pisses me off...

I hate it when people say that guys should be like this macho-thinking and nothing else... That these people are like this and they're bad... And worst of all..? People who think that anything/anyone that doesn't go with their "flow" and thinking are INFERIOR to them...

I'm sure not all of them mean it... after all, it's in their subconscious, just molded by their environment... (although sometimes, it borders on insensitivity and becomes annoying...) but the thing is, some give a defiant "superior" downward look on others... i hate narrow-mindedness...

Well... sorry for the rant... I know I'm guilty of some of the things I said but I'm just pissed off...

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Man... I'm never going to cram again...

When I hear the upperclassmen talk about "Hell Week" i can always hear that subtle mix of despair and pride... I really didn't get it before...

But as with all the bad things in the world, you have to experience it first hand to understand it... While it wasn't as bad as the upperclassmen were talking about, it was still bad... It's not really the workload that'll surprise you but it's that psychological weight that suddenly descends upon the school...

I dunno... It's hard to define but there seems to be a heavy atmosphere at school... It's like people are very relaxed even though they have tons of work to finish... People are also seem to move much more slowly... It's as if everyone is waiting for sign of impending doom...

Well... That's hell week for ya... ^^_

One great weekend...

Just for this weekend, I've decided to be happy...

Let's see... there's Futsal, the storm/brownout tragedy, and P.E. Finals...

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For those of you you who don't know what Futsal is, it is the official indoor football sanctioned by FIFA. It focuses more on techniques and agility rather than speed and endurance... It also has slightly different rules and is more action-packed and fast paced...

I really love Futsal... It serves as my stress reliever after Ma11 and is one of my favorite sports together with rifling... While Football (and Futsal) aren't that popular here in the Philippines, our group always ends up being the noisiest bunch in the covered courts... Too bad first sem is ending and I have to get a new P.E class.... I think I'll be joining a Futsal club though... ^_^

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And then there's the P.E. Finals... While the Finals are tiring, it's probably one of the more fun parts of the semester... It's so cool having the different P.E. classes having tournaments and exhibitions... Our Futsal tournament was great too... We were probably so noisy that people were thinking how such hooligans got into the school... heheh... So much fun...

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The horrible power outage... it really sucks... I can't imagine my life without my gadgets and computers... Now that I've been given a glimpse of hell, I promise I'll be good... heheh... It's really bad though... I hope it never happens again...

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I know this post is quite a mess but please bear with it... I'm so sleepy but this post can't wait 'cause I'll be a bit busier soon... See you guys..!

Am I really worth anything..?

Damn... I feel so bad right now... I think I'm going to drink myself to sleep this weekend; I just want to get rid of this stupid sad feeling...

I really don't get why I'm like this... He's been acting so friendly and nice to me since i knew him and yet I get him mad over and over again... I don't really know why but I sort of been having negative feelings toward him recently...

I hate him beacuse he keeps on telling to do something that I think is right but I can't bring myself to do... It's so hard... I want to explain it to him but I don't think he'll understand anyway... He doesn't know the pain, shame and sadness that i've experienced...

Still, I'm the one at fault here... I don't know what to do... I wish someone would help me... If I'm always going to be this bad friend then I might as well be alone... Because this feeling is not something that I'm used to and it hurts like hell... And believe me, I've been through hell...

Friendship woes...

Let's start with something funny I got from Karen:

"To realize the value of one year, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one hour, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who just missed the train. To realize the value of one second, ask UST (University of Santo Tomas) coach Pido Harencio and the UST Tigers who lost a game to ADMU(Ateneo de Manila University). Treasure every moment!"

Anyway...

I love my friends... They add flavor to my day and they always make me happy... They're God's gifts to me...

But you know, it's just sad that even though I always try to be the best friend I can be, I always end up disappointing my friends... I feel that I don't even deserve to be their friend... I don't deserve any friends...

I think I should just shut up and be a loner... That's better than getting someone get angry because I did/said something wrong... (I always manage to do that...) It's better than making someone feel awful or sad...

I'm okay with the idea of being alone but I really hate it when people try to be compassionate or friendly to me when I try to keep away... It sucks... It just makes me feel more miserable... It's not that their bad or anything; It's just that i know I'm going to do or say something bad that'll just hurt or annoy someone sooner or later...

I want to be a better friend to my friends... Boku no taisetsu na negai wa boku ga yasashii tomodachi... I'll just have to do my best...

And after everything I've said here, I just hope that on that day, I'll have the courage to take the bullet for that someone to make up for my worthlessness to the world and my friends...

First post? What do i do...?

I think I'll just post this story for now... I made it for Literature13 class...

"Why are you so sad? I’ve never seen you like this before. I’m not sad. I’m just thinking. You said before that you’re never sad especially when I’m around. You always had a smile on your face. You know that always made my day. I don’t know. Things change, I suppose. Anyway, how’s life? I don’t know. I don’t feel like myself. You know that going with the flow was never my thing. Well, that seems to be what you’re doing. Seeing you like this makes sad. Are you sure you’re okay? Yeah. I’m okay. Just a little troubled. You’re not okay. Come on, why won’t you tell me? I left you even though I told you I love you. Why do you still care so much? I think I know what the problem is. I don’t think so. I know more about you than you think. But you’ll never know what I’m feeling right now. I do nikhe, I do. I don’t think that’s possible. We’ve known each other for so long and yet you still say that? I know you’re a nice person and you’re just tired of loving the world. I still do. But I feel like crying now. I’m so messed up. I end up disappointing and annoying people when I try to do good things. I know it’s me who’s at fault. I’ve changed, somewhat. I see. You sound hurt. People judge me even if they don’t know me. They don’t know the enemies that lay me at your feet. They don’t know that I still cry at night. Open your eyes and look at me crying. Why are you crying? I know what it feels like to be neglected and be left alone. I also know what it feels like to be asked to show feelings you’ve never experienced. To be asked to give what you don’t have. It’s so hard. I know that’s what love really is but still, it’s so hard. That’s the point. That’s what love really is. We both have to keep on going. Don’t worry; I’ll always be here for you. You know, I don’t feel so bad anymore. You’re really nice, did you know that? Thanks. That’s what real friends do. Thanks."

Cool or not?