Am I really worth anything..?

Damn... I feel so bad right now... I think I'm going to drink myself to sleep this weekend; I just want to get rid of this stupid sad feeling...

I really don't get why I'm like this... He's been acting so friendly and nice to me since i knew him and yet I get him mad over and over again... I don't really know why but I sort of been having negative feelings toward him recently...

I hate him beacuse he keeps on telling to do something that I think is right but I can't bring myself to do... It's so hard... I want to explain it to him but I don't think he'll understand anyway... He doesn't know the pain, shame and sadness that i've experienced...

Still, I'm the one at fault here... I don't know what to do... I wish someone would help me... If I'm always going to be this bad friend then I might as well be alone... Because this feeling is not something that I'm used to and it hurts like hell... And believe me, I've been through hell...