When I was a child, I used to think that loneliness would be a feeling alien to me when i grew up... I guess I was wrong...
I guess I'm really a big disappointment... I know I've been doing a lot of great stuff for other people and everything, but how come it is that person I love the most, taisetsuna tomodachi, that finally broke this wall of a heart..?
My first and only real kiss... I can still remember it, and it makes me even sadder... I really expected that person to appreciate me and accept me as who I am... I know he does, but it's cruel that i can no longer feel the love and warmth of acceptance... Something's missing and if i don't find out what it is, I'm gonna break soon... boku no kokoro itai...
They say that at times like this, you have your friends to help you... It's kind of weird to think that the help and understanding came not from my "friends" but from people i didn't expect it from... There's my english block barkada, my blockies and other friends... Most of them are real understanding, but there are few who I can talk to about my feelings... One of them probably would try to listen, but I know he feels uncomfortable with it... it's hard, but finding someone who cares is sometimes the only way you'd feel nice again...
I don't know what to do... I just want to go back to those times where there was nothign wrong with me... when i had no reason to be insecure, and to be disliked by other people... I just can't think of a reason why such things are happening to me...
right now, i'm not lonely but angry... for my so called "friends", i'm going to wait for your honest reply... namaiki na kimi no sunao ni henji... not one of words but of thought... i just want to get out of this pathetic state I'm in and I need your help...
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3 comments:
Loneliness isn't really much different from other feelings, you know...and it's not a pathetic state to be in either...i mean, when you think about it, loneliness is a feeling that exists within us all...It's a necessary abstraction (just like all other feelings) which - try hard as we may - we can never hope to banish from our lives...Of course, there are a lot of instances in life where it seems as though its pushing us - slowly but surely - over the edge; like it's something which would eventually lead to our inevitable destruction...However, this all only SEEMS so...It's all just a trick of the mind...And it is our despairing over this "undoing" of our lives that puts us in this pathetic state...If we can only learn to set aside our fears of loneliness leading to our eventual destruction, it will be possible for us to live through the worst of loneliness without undergoing this pathetic state...
uh..ok...by now this is sounding like a thesis/discourse...so i think i shall stop here...as for you dude, it's best to wait these things out - maybe take a vacation from your *job* of being a social worker(or guardian angel, whichever you think sounds better)...
...also, apologies to all readers: forgive me for deafening people's ears and striking out eyes with this...uh...(violent) reaction?
hi.. may ngbasa ng entry mo at cnabi sakn n malungkot k daw.. sorry kung madalas parang hnd kta best friend.. sorry kung hnd narin kta nk2usap.. sorry kung wla aq jan para icomfrt k.. marami dn aq mga prob kya d me ngp2kita s inyo.. dnt worry kz tpos n ung pagi2ng on strike q s service.. mgki2ta n tau ulet aftr 2 mos... hehehe... miz n kta.. wg m n icipn ung mga prob mo.. (smile) ^_^
btw, pending case aq s up, may mga kulang dw aq.. sna maayos q un para up aq nxt yr..
-ynne
Hay nikhe, I cannot imagine that you're also feeling the same way I did. I was a bit off to my blockmates... Because of my weirdness, they're laughing at me... Hmph, where can u find a 17-yr old watching anime? That's me! Also, don't mind those people who're mean to you... You'll find good friends in this ever-maturing world of the Ateneo...
Btw... i prefer ^o^ than ^^_...
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